Monday, September 06, 2010

Shock Abs: Need of the time

Just as Shock Absorbers in a car help reduce the effect of bad roads, some of them installed in our minds would surely help a lot in maintaining relationships..

As we drive on the road, we consciously or unconsciously avoid the big potholes (which are common in Mumbai) to avoid the sudden discomfort caused to us. There are eventually such incidents, where you cant control from pulling over the pothole and in the course cause discomfort to yourself and all the passengers. In our real lives, we come across such situations quite often where we face some potholes and the same if we don't avoid, can cause discomfort.

In a relationship, may it be any - parents, friends, loved ones, there are many times when we feel bad about something, it may be the actions or words, it certainly disturbs you somewhere deep within you. It may not be something which was intended to be done but was purely coincidental and done in a rage. We humans many a time say or do a lot in rage of something. We are connected with a lot of things in our lives and any change in that might affect our mental balance. At such times, we wont think of what we are doing or what we say but at the end of the day someone's hearing us and someone's being affected by that. What the whole phenomenon does is, it affects the relationship.

In this article, I would like put forth an understanding where we can try to keep a cushion or a shock absorber within our selves for such kind of events. The moment when someone says something bad or unacceptable, it would surely have some reason behind it, some kind of rage which is making that person do so. If we as the second person, or the person who is on the listening side, stays calm and tries to understand what is causing the first person to do so, life can really be a lot simpler. Pre-judging or assuming do bring in a lot of misunderstandings and might harm the whole fortress of the relationship. If in any brawl or argument between two persons in this world has atleast one of them with his head calm, the relationship would surely survive. It would be like a half won war when with a calm head. In today's world, we have so many tensions and stresses' that keep going up every day and those moments where one would do something in the fit of rage is highly probable.

So, while driving, just as we avoid or ignore the discomfort caused by the pothole on the road and carry on with the road ahead, we take a lesson that we should take the road ahead in any relationship even we face some kind of potholes which would lead to discomfort...

Sunday, May 02, 2010

Assume data wherever necessary

It a common rule in most of the academic papers we write, atleast in engineering papers, where they mention a rule "Assume suitable data wherever necessary" which subtly means that they should not be blamed in case there are any discrepancies in data sufficiency!! I suppose they have kept that as a template as I was never surprised to find that rule mentioned even in theory papers !! Leave apart the education system, I had never thought that really applied in real life, of course, not in all cases.

Did I surprise you, may be not, its pretty much a fact of life. We assume suitable things here and there before checking them and even before realizing what impact would it have on the relationships surrounding you.But we are comfortable assuming things. The moment we get some what comfortable with new people around us, we tend to assume things about them before they are actually clarified. There are many times when you assume things even after being in a relation for a long time and may be times when you dont even know the person. Now how many people have assumed Priyanka chopra is a great person by nature even before knowing her??

Remember the last time, when you saw your boss shouting at your colleague at something and you assumed that he was arrogant, cruel etc etc. But the next time you confronted him he was all not that bad !! Personally speaking, I really did go through the example mentioned above at my workplace. That was about your boss, he is meant to be arrogant at times, just to meet the company targets. Lets understand how that might be when we talk about someone like a friend, a relative. A friend of yours who is really short tempered, does it make him/her really bad at heart. Naah,Wrong thing to assume !! Many a times people might behave different in the situations they face in life and would be heavily characterized by their daily mood, problems issues faced in life etc. I personally have asked a friend of mine if he had a bad day that day after he scolded me once, and he really did have a bad day... But it was really good for him to open up and let me know the reasons or else my stupid mind would have assumed many things about him that day and maybe that would have seriously affected our friendship !! That was the day when I really went by the motto "Dare to assume and care to understand"

Remember the next time you assume suitable things about your near and dear ones, they might really prove to be a dent in the relationship.. Thanks.